If you expect every other person and every event of your life to be a certain way and if you easily get annoyed when things don't work out the way you want them to, then you are most likely having control issues. The strong desire to make everything perfect and micromanage every detail to get the desired outcome exhausts you. It's neither healthy nor practical to get things done your way all the time. It's detrimental to your mental health as well as to your relationships. Let's face the reality we can't control everything no matter how much we try to.
Why do we have the urge to control everything?
The desire for control may be rooted in a fear of uncertainty. We often believe that we can prevent negative outcomes and ensure positive results if we try to micromanage everything.
Lack of trust or low self-esteem can be related to control issues.
To feel at peace, people with anxiety and worrying habits try to control everything. They tend to get caught up in patterns of negative thinking. They tend to worry about worst-case scenarios, and as a result, double down on planning, sometimes to an extreme. Control gives them a feeling of safety and stability.
Some people feel good to have power and to be dominant by forcing their will on others.
Another reason for being a control freak can be that you are a perfectionist or you fear failure.
Having high expectations and knowing what you want can be a great thing. However, if taken too far, it can leave you feeling constantly disappointed. At times, your need for control may become overwhelming and tiring, causing chaos in your career, relationships, and overall quality of life.
Traumatic life experiences or abuse can also result in control issues.
Sometimes, fear of experiencing emotional pain is the root cause of control issues.
Control can be a result of being attached to a specific outcome—an outcome we’re sure is best for us as if we always know what’s best.
By understanding how to identify your behaviors and stop your control issues in their tracks, you not only protect the mental and emotional health of others, but you safeguard your health as well.
SIGNS THAT YOU 'RE CONTROLLING:
Control freaks repel people with their demands and unsolicited advice. Consequently, they struggle to maintain healthy personal and professional relationships.
It's natural to want control, however being a control freak affects your work-life balance. Discover if you are a control freak, and how to be less of one.
You micromanage every detail.
You think there’s only one right way to do something.
You’re critical of others.
You are a perfectionist.
You want to know what’s going to happen, how it’s going to happen, and when it’s going to happen.
You dislike change.
You feel anxious or angry when things don’t go according to your plan, you can’t complete a task the way you want, or others make bad choices.
You don't trust people easily.
You tend to correct people.
You believe that you know what is best for any situation.
You believe with enough effort and skill you can accomplish anything. You don’t believe in timing or luck.
HOW CAN I LET GO OF MY CONTROL ISSUES?
1. ACCEPT THAT ALL YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER IS YOURSELF:
The first step is to realize that you cannot control everything that happens. You can place your valuable energy elsewhere instead of trying to control everything. You can begin to focus on the things you do have control over, such as your behavior, actions, and mindset.
By accepting that you can not manage every little detail and you have no power over the lives of others or their choices, you are protecting yourself from unnecessary stress. By letting go of the need to control, you experience the joy of freedom.
"You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.” ~Steve Maraboli
2. ASK YOURSELF WHAT AM I AFRAID OF IF I LET GO OF CONTROL :
When you ask yourself this question, you become aware of the reasons behind your urge to control.
Further, ask yourself. Are you making a worst-case scenario in your mind? Are you completely sure that the worst will happen if you let go of control?
The more you become aware of your thoughts and emotions, the easier it will be to let go of control and surrender to what is. Be realistic in your thoughts and you will not be fooled by your overthinking.
3. STOP BEING A PERFECTIONIST:
The drive to control is often deeply rooted in a deep-seated desire for perfection. The fear of failure and rejection often make us a control freak. To avoid the painful emotions of rejection we try to control every little detail which results in exhaustion. Strive to show yourself true grace by noticing that "good enough" is often truly, fabulously great. Lastly, focus on progress over perfection. By prioritizing progress over perfection, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities. We allow ourselves the freedom to experiment, to fail, and to learn from those failures. This mindset not only enhances our ability to grow and improve but also enriches our journey towards achieving our goals.
4. PRACTICE MINDFULNESS:
Mindfulness involves being fully present in the moment and accepting the present without judgment. Meditation for letting go is perfect for those seeking mindfulness.
5. SET REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS:
Be aware of your limits and set realistic expectations for yourself and others. Understand that not everything will go according to your plan, and that’s okay. Practice positive self-talk and appreciate what you already have.
6. EMBRACE UNCERTAINTY:
Instead of fearing uncertainty, learn to embrace it. Understand that life is inherently unpredictable, and that’s what makes it exciting and full of opportunities. Allow yourself to sit with the discomfort of uncertainty and let the emotions pass through you. It will be difficult in the beginning to break the habit of control but slowly and gradually you will embrace it.
Letting go of control isn't always easy, particularly when we face uncertainty. However, letting go of control can help bring a greater sense of peace.
Learning how to recognize controlling behaviors in yourself, coupled with deliberate efforts to improve those behaviors, can improve the quality of your life and the dynamic of any relationship.
Don't forget to share this information with your loved ones.
All the best!
