How To Be More Compassionate. A Guide To Compassion-peacefulmindbody

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What is Compassion?

Compassion comes from the Latin word, “compati” and means “suffer with.” Compassion is a concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others, characterized by the desire to take action to help the other person.
                                Or

Among emotion researchers, it is defined as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another's suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.
The "Declaration Toward a Global Ethic" from the Parliament of the World's Religions (1993) proclaimed the Golden Rule ("We must treat others as we wish others to treat us") as the common principle for many religions.

Self-Compassion:

Living in a modern world in which perfectionism is often the norm rather than the exception, being compassionate with the self feels very unnatural to most.
Self-compassion is when you experience compassion for yourself, understand your feelings, and treat yourself with the same compassion and kindness that you would show to others. Rather than being critical of yourself, you accept yourself and your imperfections. It is to respect, love, protect, and care for yourself each day. It is to let go of judgment and criticism and replace it with patience and gratitude. 

"If your compassion doesn't include yourself, it is incomplete."

Buddha

Compassion For Others:

When you experience compassion for other people, you feel their pain and this pain compels you to take action to do what you can to make the situation better.

"Compassion and tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength."

Dalai Lama

Compassion fatigue:

People with a higher capacity to empathize with others may be at risk for "compassion fatigue", also called "secondary traumatic stress". 
Examples of people at risk for compassion fatigue are those who spend significant time responding to information related to suffering. However, newer research by Singer and Ricard suggests that it is a lack of suitable distress tolerance that gets people fatigued from compassion activities. 
Individuals at risk for compassion fatigue usually display these four key attributes: emotional exhaustion, diminished endurance and/or energy, declined empathic ability, and helplessness and/or hopelessness.
To show compassion towards others without experiencing compassion fatigue, self-compassion is necessary as you can't pour from an empty cup.

What is the physiology of compassion?

According to research, our body experiences various changes when we feel compassion 
Our heart rate slows down.
Our body produces oxytocin, the “bonding hormone” and regions of the brain linked to empathy, caregiving, and feelings of pleasure light up, which often results in our wanting to approach and care for other people.

How To Practice Self-Compassion:

The 3 pillars of self-compassion:

As defined by Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion is comprised of three elements: mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness.

Mindfulness:

Being aware of your feelings without letting them overpower you helps you stay compassionate with yourself.

Common humanity:

Common humanity refers to framing one's suffering as part of being human and as an experience that connects the self to others rather than isolating oneself from them. Recognizing that challenges are a part of the human experience.

Self-kindness:

Compassion starts with being gentle with yourself. Self-kindness is the act of being understanding and supportive toward yourself, especially when you are facing difficult times.

How To Show Compassion Towards Others:

The first step in being compassionate is to know how your words and actions can affect someone else's psychological well-being and understanding.

Speak with kindness:

It's about communicating thoughts and feelings in a way that respects the dignity and feelings of others.

Be a good listener: 

Listen with sincerity and empathy. Do not interrupt or jump to conclusions.

Don't be judgmental and critical: 

Don't be rude or inclined to look for and point out faults.

Apologize when you've made a mistake:

Always take responsibility for your actions and apologize whenever needed.

Motivate others:

Inspire them, appreciate them, and uplift them.

Help others: 

Be helpful to others without expecting anything in return.

Be happy for someone else's success:

Be genuinely happy and find pleasure in another person's good fortune.

Say encouraging words: 

Choose words that are uplifting and motivating.

Accept people for who they are: 

When you accept people for who they are, you let them feel the way they want to feel, you let them be different and think differently from you.

Forgive people for making mistakes: 

Let go of anger and resentment by forgiving people.

Show respect and care: 

Be respectful, show respect and care with your words and behavior.

Appreciate others and express gratitude:

One of the simplest and most effective ways to show gratitude and appreciation is to say thank you.

Be patient:

Patience comes with practice, look for small opportunities to practice patience. Accept what's out of your control and be kind.

Offer support to others during hardship: 

Be there for others during their difficult times.

Stay connected:

Call to catch up or send a quick text. Being present and spending quality time together can also cultivate a deeper emotional connection.

Compliment others: 

Giving compliments creates a ripple of positivity. To come up with a genuine compliment, reflect on the other person's behavior and think about why you appreciate or admire them.

Helping them feel positive: 

Share a good memory, recall their achievements, and highlight their positive personality traits to make them feel good about themselves.

Notice and support positive changes they make: 

Your positive affirmation gives them the resolve to keep going despite the roadblocks that lay before them.

Help them to reduce stress: 

Help them with stress coping skills, and give sincere advice if needed.

Respect other's boundaries: 

When someone says no, they are setting a clear boundary. It's important to respect this, just as you would like others to respect your boundaries. Don't take it personally.

Give them hope: 

Help them find the path to their dreams. Provide ideas and solutions to help them with their problems.

Genuine compassion is a deep, heartfelt concern for the well-being of others. It overcomes the human tendency toward selfishness.

"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive."

Dalai Lama

All the best!

How to Stop Being Controlling-peacefulmindbody

 

If you expect every other person and every event of your life to be a certain way and if you easily get annoyed when things don't work out the way you want them to, then you are most likely having control issues. The strong desire to make everything perfect and micromanage every detail to get the desired outcome exhausts you. It's neither healthy nor practical to get things done your way all the time. It's detrimental to your mental health as well as to your relationships. Let's face the reality we can't control everything no matter how much we try to.

Why do we have the urge to control everything?

The desire for control may be rooted in a fear of uncertainty. We often believe that we can prevent negative outcomes and ensure positive results if we try to micromanage everything. 

Lack of trust or low self-esteem can be related to control issues.

To feel at peace, people with anxiety and worrying habits try to control everything. They tend to get caught up in patterns of negative thinking. They tend to worry about worst-case scenarios, and as a result, double down on planning, sometimes to an extreme. Control gives them a feeling of safety and stability. 

Some people feel good to have power and to be dominant by forcing their will on others. 

Another reason for being a control freak can be that you are a perfectionist or you fear failure.

Having high expectations and knowing what you want can be a great thing. However, if taken too far, it can leave you feeling constantly disappointed. At times, your need for control may become overwhelming and tiring, causing chaos in your career, relationships, and overall quality of life.

Traumatic life experiences or abuse can also result in control issues.

Sometimes, fear of experiencing emotional pain is the root cause of control issues.

Control can be a result of being attached to a specific outcome—an outcome we’re sure is best for us as if we always know what’s best.

By understanding how to identify your behaviors and stop your control issues in their tracks, you not only protect the mental and emotional health of others, but you safeguard your health as well. 

SIGNS THAT YOU 'RE CONTROLLING:

Control freaks repel people with their demands and unsolicited advice. Consequently, they struggle to maintain healthy personal and professional relationships.

It's natural to want control, however being a control freak affects your work-life balance. Discover if you are a control freak, and how to be less of one.

You micromanage every detail.

You think there’s only one right way to do something.

You’re critical of others.

You are a perfectionist.

You want to know what’s going to happen, how it’s going to happen, and when it’s going to happen.
You dislike change.

You feel anxious or angry when things don’t go according to your plan, you can’t complete a task the way you want, or others make bad choices.

You don't trust people easily.

You tend to correct people. 

You believe that you know what is best for any situation.

You believe with enough effort and skill you can accomplish anything. You don’t believe in timing or luck. 

HOW CAN I LET GO OF MY CONTROL ISSUES?

1. ACCEPT THAT ALL YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER IS YOURSELF:

The first step is to realize that you cannot control everything that happens. You can place your valuable energy elsewhere instead of trying to control everything. You can begin to focus on the things you do have control over, such as your behavior, actions, and mindset. 

By accepting that you can not manage every little detail and you have no power over the lives of others or their choices, you are protecting yourself from unnecessary stress. By letting go of the need to control, you experience the joy of freedom.

"You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.” ~Steve Maraboli

2. ASK YOURSELF WHAT AM I AFRAID OF IF I LET GO OF CONTROL :

When you ask yourself this question, you become aware of the reasons behind your urge to control. 

Further, ask yourself. Are you making a worst-case scenario in your mind? Are you completely sure that the worst will happen if you let go of control?

The more you become aware of your thoughts and emotions, the easier it will be to let go of control and surrender to what is. Be realistic in your thoughts and you will not be fooled by your overthinking.

3. STOP BEING A PERFECTIONIST:

The drive to control is often deeply rooted in a deep-seated desire for perfection. The fear of failure and rejection often make us a control freak. To avoid the painful emotions of rejection we try to control every little detail which results in exhaustion. Strive to show yourself true grace by noticing that "good enough" is often truly, fabulously great. Lastly, focus on progress over perfection. By prioritizing progress over perfection, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities. We allow ourselves the freedom to experiment, to fail, and to learn from those failures. This mindset not only enhances our ability to grow and improve but also enriches our journey towards achieving our goals.

4. PRACTICE MINDFULNESS:

 Mindfulness involves being fully present in the moment and accepting the present without judgment. Meditation for letting go is perfect for those seeking mindfulness.

5. SET REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: 

Be aware of your limits and set realistic expectations for yourself and others. Understand that not everything will go according to your plan, and that’s okay. Practice positive self-talk and appreciate what you already have.

6. EMBRACE UNCERTAINTY: 

Instead of fearing uncertainty, learn to embrace it. Understand that life is inherently unpredictable, and that’s what makes it exciting and full of opportunities. Allow yourself to sit with the discomfort of uncertainty and let the emotions pass through you. It will be difficult in the beginning to break the habit of control but slowly and gradually you will embrace it.

Letting go of control isn't always easy, particularly when we face uncertainty. However, letting go of control can help bring a greater sense of peace.

Learning how to recognize controlling behaviors in yourself, coupled with deliberate efforts to improve those behaviors, can improve the quality of your life and the dynamic of any relationship.

Don't forget to share this information with your loved ones.

All the best!