How To Believe You Are Lovable - Peacefulmindbody

What is unconditional self-love ? It's your ability to love and accept yourself without putting any demands or conditions on yourself ,to love yourself right in this moment ,to love yourself for who you are.


Self-love is not dependent on attainment of certain goals or wishes. It is already there inside you. It does not mean that you should not strive to get success or don't go after your dreams. You should work towards your goals and first step in getting what you want from life is to start loving yourself unconditionally, only then you can face the vulnerability and fear of failure , you know that you will not abandon yourself even if you failed , you treat yourself with compassion when you are loving yourself. Self-love reduces unnecessary stress of failure because you are accepting and loving yourself fully no matter how things unfold for you.


                                                         It is not selfish to love
                                                         yourself, take care of 
                                                         yourself and to make
                                                         your happiness a priority.
                                                        It's necessary.
                                                                             ....Mandy Hale


All living-beings deserve love, it is vital for survival. You can not function well if you are lacking love in your life. There is no one who can fill you with unconditional love than your own self. Nothing outside you can make you feel lovable if you are insufficient in loving yourself.
Yes we do appreciate someone's affection and love towards us but to receive love from others you have to feel that you are worthy of love by loving yourself. If you don't consider yourself lovable how do you expect from others to consider you worthy of love? Always remember , people will treat you the way you treat yourself.


                                                      The quality of love you
                                                      receive mirrors the value
                                                      you place on yourself .
                                                                              ...Barbara


The excessive desire to be loved by others comes when you are not giving yourself well-deserved self-love, you are not self-sufficient in taking care of your needs, you think you are not lovable or not good enough. You seek love from others ,trying to get their approval to convince yourself that you deserve love. Your worth depends on people's validation and if they fail to give you the love you desperately want you become judgemental ,believing you are not lovable.


The truth is you are worthy of love, care and respect because you exist therefore you matter. We all need love and care in order to live a healthy balanced life. Why searching for love from others when you are capable of loving yourself and taking care of your needs.


Nobody owes you anything ,its your job to fill yourself up with ample amount of love so you don't have to mould your true self to get love from someone else. What you get, when you are trying to fit in someone else idea of who you should be, is not love ,love is unconditional. If you find yourself trying to hide your authentic self, making efforts to be someone you are not , if you are striving hard to win someone's approval then you are abandoning yourself, this is due to absence of self-love.


Now you understand that self-love is vital for living and growth, then why it is difficult to love oneself unconditionally.The main cause behind unloving behaviour towards self is your false negative beliefs, you might develop those beliefs when you were a child. We all have baggage of unpleasant memories from the past, none of us grew up unwounded, if our primary care givers treated us in a non loving way, kept high expectations from us, judged us if we failed to fulfil their expectations or just projected their own failure onto us, blamed us when we were not to be blamed,withheld love and care as a punishment then as a child we started believing that we are unlovable because they made us feel that way.


We believe that if we make mistakes , don't achieve our goals ,having flaws then we are not deserving of love. It's impossible that we always get things done in a right way, all our goals can't be achieved ,making error is unavoidable. It's human to be imperfect.
Start giving yourself the love and compassion which was missing in your life as a child. I am not saying your care givers didn't love you, mostly they failed to express their love, to make you feel loved ,they failed to recognise your need at that time, or they were having hard time loving themselves unconditionally so how could they love you unconditionally, may be they were brought up in unloving way.


First step towards unconditional self-love is to forgive your care givers ,clear your heart from resentment and anger, let go of your false negative beliefs which you developed as a child. Own yourself fully, even your mistakes and weaknesses with compassion, accept that you are lovable. We all are work in progress, self-love makes it easy to acknowledge your weaknesses and work on them.
Challenge your negative false beliefs .Ask yourself why you think you are unlovable ? Just because you make mistakes , having weaknesses or lacking some qualities ,whatever the reason just go deep and your wounds will be healed. Stop beating yourself up for not feeling loved as a child ,forgive your close relations for not taking care of your needs when you were dependent on them, they are imperfect too. We as a living being can feel and we all deserve to feel loved.


Let me give you an example if a mom disowns her child, withholding love and care  just because child is flawed, imperfect then how do you see that mom? You may label her as mean or cruel. After all she should own her child .What if mother demands other people to love her child and only then she will love the child. Sounds strange ! Right. Why would people love the child if child's own mother doesn't consider her child worthy of her love. In the same way why would people love you if you are not loving yourself first.


In order to be at service to others you have to serve yourself first. Like tree can't give fruits if you don't  water it regularly, put fertilizers, make adequate sunlight available . Same goes with human ,to love others you need to love yourself , to help others you need to help yourself. Even machines need care and maintenance ,they can't function for long without proper care.


Self-love doesn't make you sit all day, ignoring your responsibilities and taking care of yourself only ,it makes you selfless, its a balance between giving love to yourself and sharing it with others .Only those who are filled with love can share love with others .Loving action towards others can be done by people abundant in self-love , it makes you feel good , you are affectionate towards others because you know you are capable of loving others.

Don't confuse self-love with narcissism .Self-love makes you self sufficient ,you are not in need to get love from others , you are capable of filling your love reserves. You don't mask your true self to get love, you don't put responsibility on others to take care of your needs, you know people don't owe you anything. Narcissism may look like self-love but actually its opposite of it, narcissists can't take care of their needs, they are not self-sufficient , they demand love from others ,they dislike their true self so they keeping hiding it, they are people pleaser ,they try to get people's approval even at the cost of sabotaging their own true self, they live on love from others. They don't have unconditional self-love so they can't give love to others. They are their own worst critic so they are having difficulty accepting others as flawed human beings.


Self-love opens your heart , makes you more susceptible to give and receive love. It is good for you well-being. It makes you comfortable in your own skin, helps you to achieve more, take more risks and let you live your life to the fullest.